Searching for Inspiration

I have been looking for something lately. Something that will inspire me, fill me with direction. I have been wondering exactly what it is.

Is it school? Is it a new career path? Is it time to buy a different house? Is it time to get a different car? I don't know but it is definitely something.

I sit around sometimes and think to myself what my life would have been like if I would have chosen a different path. I just sit there thinking and thinking, but really how should I know? I mean it could be exactly the same for all I know, it could be better, or worse as well.

I am not bitching here, I enjoy life in general but sometimes I desire that "push" so to speak, that drive to get something accomplished, that desire for change. Like I said earlier I don't know what I want to accomplish, I have no idea what I need to change, but I just know it is something. I really can't sit here and believe at the young age of 28 years that life should stay the same from here on out. That would just be too depressing. I crave the knowledge I desire, but it just doesn't come to me.

It is difficult, when you want to learn something, most of the time you can research it, ask a friend, a teacher..... someone. In this case there is no one I can ask. That thought itself drives me crazy, I spend more time thinking about that, then thinking about what it is I actually want to know.

I spend my days doing the same things I always do, and once again, I enjoy most of them, so I can't figure out what the problem is. Am I being too critical of myself? Maybe everything is exactly how I want it to be. I say that to myself, but because of this overwhelming feeling that something just isn't right, I dismiss that train of thought.

I look outside and see the white cold snow; maybe I am just eager for spring? Maybe that is the answer, the change I need? Nope really don't care. Spring will come when it comes, I have no control over the weather so I know it isn't that.

My car fills me with anticipation, and I just can't wait to be able to hit the open, non frozen roads. Ah maybe that is it? Once again, nope.

I look at my arm and see this 13 year old tattoo, I am planning on getting some more soon, so this must be it right? Nope.

I notice I am extremely white, and could use a tan, I have been working out for awhile now and a tan would set my physique off just right. There I got it that must be the answer, geez I feel stupid. Wait a minute; nope it’s not the solution.

I was in Best Buy the other day and really liked the 21" monitors, I have this crappy 17" one and every time I go to use it, it bothers me. Before I even finish my train of thought on that, I will just say the infamous nope right now; seriously c'mon it has to be deeper than that right?

I do dislike most of my clothes, but as the seasons change so do the styles, and with spring fast approaching I will need to update the old wardrobe, so since I already know this, I can eliminate that as well.

Maybe I need to think harder, or maybe I am just thinking too hard. Maybe it is right in front of my face, but since it seems so obvious, I am overlooking it. Maybe it is such a deep thought my mind just can't focus hard enough to come up with an answer. Wow this is really starting to get to me. I mean what if it is such a life changing thing that I desire, that I am just not prepared for it? It could be anything really. It is just mind boggling, I am almost scared to think anymore. I can't even start to imagine what this answer may be. I am so consumed with this I may never be able to sleep again until this is solved. My god I am having a nervous breakdown. I am filled with anxiety, my vision is even starting to blur, or maybe it is the tears? I don't think I can take this much longer, should I go to the hospital for some valium? Should I just start screaming right now?

Oh wait it's 5pm and the Simpson's are on, I guess I was just bored after all.

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